


A Matter of Inches

by anotherFMAfan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:53:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23012806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherFMAfan/pseuds/anotherFMAfan
Summary: RoyxEd smutfic in which Ed decides one day to satisfy his curiosity about a certain part of his lover's anatomy.NC-17, obviously. Ed is 17. Silliness about penis size.A fic I wrote over twelve years ago and didn't realize wasn't posted here.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Comments: 5
Kudos: 83





	A Matter of Inches

**Author's Note:**

> Some things you need to know about this fic before reading:
> 
> Firstly, the original post date is 1/24/2008, which makes this not only my first smut fic, but one of my first posted fics, period. It shows. *winces*  
> (I did make one or two small edits.)
> 
> Secondly, this is a humorous fic about Roy having an insanely big cock. If you dislike the idea of the size being WAY past scientific average, press the back button, please.

Roy gripped the headboard hard with both hands and gasped, screwing his eyes shut. He was trying hard not to lose it, but fuck, he was close. Ed seemed to get the idea, because he backed off a bit, lessening the amazing pressure provided by his lips, and then took to mouthing his cock from the underside. Mustang couldn’t help but groan. There was no one, _no one_ on earth that was more talented at blow jobs than Edward Elric.

The first one he had ever given Roy (or anybody, for that matter) was so innocent and ignorant of sex it had been laughable. Unfortunately, he had made the mistake of actually laughing, and his punishment came few weeks later in his office chair, where Ed had used his mouth to make him come— _through his pants._

Suffice to say Roy had never again felt like laughing at his blowjobs, though he did cry once or twice, which Ed was very proud of but wise enough never to bring up. He supposed he should have known that Edward Elric was capable of becoming an absolute virtuoso of anything he desired to study—with the exception of manners or military protocol, that is. He was still a raging brat and needed a good spanking, but judging by what had happened with the blow jobs, he didn’t dare introduce power play, no matter how pleasurable it was at first, before Ed wanted _his_ turn.

Presently Ed put his mouth back over him, and before Roy threw his head back he saw him groping in his pants for something. That was good. He wanted Ed to get off on this. Then a positively mind-blowing suction pulled at his cock and all thoughts were gone.

He must have screamed, because he was aware of his hearing coming back as he found himself again and the pleasure faded some, but realized he hadn’t come yet. He felt something hard poke at the skin next to the base of his cock, and two Automail fingers pulling up on it, not in a good way but as though to stretch him out.

Edward suddenly gasped loudly, and Roy’s head snapped up.

“HOLY FUCK!” He shouted, and it was so loud and urgent that Roy jumped.

“What?!” he demanded in alarm, and then his eyes finally began registering what he was seeing. Ed had a ruler standing up next to his erection and was staring in angry disbelief at the number next to the tip.

“8.7. You’re fucking EIGHT POINT SEVEN INCHES!”

Roy sighed out his unnecessary panic as his lover brandished the ruler at him.

“That’s outrageous! That’s ridiculous! That shouldn’t even be physically possible!” he ranted, a scowl to beat all scowls so far on his face.

Roy smiled at how cute he looked, but unfortunately Ed seemed to take this as a comment on the newly-measured length.

“DON’T YOU SMIRK AT ME!” he shrieked. “The _average_ is 5.5 – 6.0! Where the HELL do you get off being fucking 8.7?!”

Roy’s smirk, if anything, widened.

“Where do I get off?” he repeated, sitting up swiftly and pulling Ed within range. “Here,” he said, and proceeded to devour his mouth for a few seconds, tasting the bitterness on Ed’s tongue and loving that it was his fault. Then he took hold of his knees and flipped him onto his back, swiftly pressing his legs up before Edward could object more strenuously than a yelp. “And _here_ ,” he finished, bringing his hand down flat on Edward’s exposed butt with a loud slap of skin on leather. There, he got at least one of the swats he deserved.

“Very funny,” he growled, but gave Roy the look that meant he was ready to get down to business. As skilled and demanding as Ed was becoming in sex, the first few times he was made to wait too long without any sort of sexual relief he got this terrible, lost look on his face and tried to do something drastic like rub himself to finish on Roy’s thigh. Now Roy had a much better idea of when that sort of desperation was coming, and proceeded to rid Ed of his pants and shorts.

Keeping his legs pressed up with either hand, Roy leaned between them to give Ed’s cock some love. He had no delusions he was anywhere near as good at fellatio as Edward, but he knew that it pleased him immensely when Roy did it, that the _doing_ of it was what mattered to Ed and not the result.

When he felt he’d had enough, and his little sounds of pleasure were starting to get to him, Roy picked up the bottle he’d set out earlier and lubed himself up. He rubbed the excess on Edward’s entrance and heard him hiss. Hauling his legs up over his shoulders, Roy leaned over to kiss him for a few moments.

“Ready?” he asked, and Ed kicked him in impatience.

“Get on with it!”

So he did, pressing in ever-so-slowly. That first stroke was enough to drive him mad, but he knew from experience that if he didn’t exercise the utmost patience he would hurt Ed enough that he couldn’t come, or worse make him bleed, which meant waiting until he healed before they could have sex again.

Not an option.

Regardless, this was much improved. Since they had begun to screw on a regular basis Edward’s body had adapted quite well to him, and Roy was immeasurably glad that the painstaking fingers one through three were no longer necessary every time.

He gave a shuddery sigh at being fully seated in his hot little body. Now _this_ was the worst part, waiting for Ed’s signal that it was okay to move. Sometimes he would spit insults at Roy if it stung, but he never took it to heart. As Ed refused to acknowledge, he was a small person, and as he had blatantly stated, Roy was especially well-endowed.

“Go,” he hissed, and Roy didn’t need telling twice. He pulled back with relish and began a brisk pace.

“Oh, yeah,” Ed moaned, and the sound of it made him jerk his hips even faster. It wasn’t going to take either of them very long. Ed tugged on Roy’s neck to get him down to his lips, and he shortened up his thrusts to be able to do both at once.

He would never, ever get tired of fucking Ed. He was gorgeous and feisty and god that _mouth_. He gave a sigh of contentment as he pulled away from his lips and got back to the fucking, pleasure building inside of him again, not as intense as Ed’s blowjobs, but still damn good.

“I can’t decide if it’s better or worse,” Ed groaned, and Roy stopped moving forward, damning himself for going too fast.

“What is?”

Edward grinned and opened his eyes halfway.

“Knowing the exact number of inches that you’re pounding into me.”

Roy smiled back, and started up again much slower, just in case, but Ed was having none of that.

“Come _on_ ,” he growled, and reached his hand around Roy’s body to smack his ass.

 _I knew that was a bad idea,_ he thought to himself, but obeyed his partner and picked up the speed.

Soon Ed began to do what Roy described as “check out,” during which his eyes rolled back in his head and he arched, sputtering the most amazing and sometimes very surprising things from his mouth, and currently Roy took this opportunity to inconspicuously start to touch Ed’s dick.

“Oh, Roy!” he shouted, which was above all others the phrase he wanted to hear. He let out a groan of his own and let go of his pace, stabbing into him fast and jaggedly.

“Mnn, yeahyeah _yeah_ , _YEAH!”_ Ed screamed, but Roy shook his head firmly.

“Wait,” he gasped.

Ed let out a pained moan of his name, and tried to look down to see why the fuck he had stopped jerking him off, but he couldn’t see over his own arched chest, and Roy’s thrusts must make it hard to hold up his head. Roy knew he was hitting the right place—his body had memorized it, if Ed’s exclamations weren’t any indication.

“Wait,” Roy warned again, as he saw the suspicious spasms begin in his abdomen.

“I _can’t!_ ” he almost sobbed. Roy finally took hold of his cock again, and Ed was gone.

Seeing, hearing, and feeling Edward orgasm had to be the best goddamn thing on the planet, and only Roy would ever have the privilege.

He had a few seconds to enjoy the look on his face, the arch of his body and the noise that he made before his own climax began, and closed his eyes to let go and just _feel_.

Mustang did truly delight in the way Edward was after he came, and he was such a pain in the ass all the rest of the time Roy didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty for it. After they had cleaned off they had slumped back in bed (one resignedly on his belly) and stayed there, Edward blissfully silent and motionless.

Roy’s mind began to drift to those spankings again, thinking ruefully that he ought to teach Ed how to do all of that properly soon, before he went _improvising_. He would have to lay down some heavy ground rules, though. He knew all-too-well not to underestimate Edward.

A grunt came from his right and he saw him shifting in annoyance and reaching down to remove some offending object, which turned out to be the ruler. When Ed saw it he smirked.

“I know that your huge cock isn’t what makes you so great at sex,” he said, reaching over smack the stick lightly on Roy’s ass (making him think with a worried twinge that his decision had come not a moment too soon), “But it sure as fuck helps.”

Roy grinned. The best part about the praise Ed had just given was that he thought he was giving him a back-handed compliment. He scooted over to kiss his lips languidly and Ed responded, for once not harsh and demanding but indulgent and slow.

“You’re 5.5, by the way,” Mustang murmured against his mouth when they broke. Ed was silent a moment, and then began to sputter incoherently.

“When did you…?!” he demanded.

“Oh, I’d say a little while after you screamed ‘ _Oh, Roy!_ ’”

Edward glowered at him. Although he surely didn’t want to admit that he said such a thing, they both knew perfectly well that in the throes of passion he shouted his name several times per round.

“When I told you to wait,” he clarified, smirking. “I couldn’t let you come before I had a good measurement.”

Ed fumed.

“You’re such a fucking _asshole_. You already _knew_ I’m not as big as you are, _nobody’s_ as fucking big as you are! But you just couldn’t leave it alone!”

“Don’t be mad,” Roy said, after interrupting his rant with a kiss. “I like your dick. Besides, you said yourself that was average for most people, and you’re not…ah, not yet finished growing.” He very nearly said, “average height,” but caught himself.

Ed seemed satisfied with that, and pulled his legs up to his chest to sleep, another habit Roy found endearing. He pulled the covers over the two of them, and as he wrapped his arms around Edward he vowed never to tell him that, even giving him the benefit of the doubt, the ruler had barely read 4.9.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any and all comments, but before you hit "post" just know that "yr stoopid nobody's penis is that big duh lol" has gotten reeeeally old. ^_^;


End file.
